by Yvonne Mashayamombe on Wednesday, May 11, 2011 at 3:58pm
Birthdays are meant to be fun, as one celebrates life. But today, I am not all excited, or happy or well. Not that I have no excitement or happiness or joy in me, but that I am just in a world i am not too sure where.
I have turned 24, and a lot has happened, whilst a lot more is still to happen.
A friend of mine remembered my day (as a whole lot others where to pounce on me with birthday wishes later on), and early in the morning, woke me up with an sms that humbled, honored, scared, but excited me!
And i qoute it here as it came "YVONE I AM ONE PERSON WHO CN TESTFY B4 GOD THAT 4 BEING TH PERSON U A, U DESERVE A PROLONGED LYF FULL OF HAPNESS, FRUITFULNESS, LOVING PARTNER AND LOVLEY CHILDREN. BUT B CERTAIN A LOVING AND CARING FRIEND WL ALWAYS B WTH U IN PRAYER AND IS OBVIOUSLY TH FIRST 2 SAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY." And true to the fact, she was the first. But thats not what got me excited, it was the message that touched me.
I was humbled to a huge extent because, i was expecting a message, but not one of this magnitude. I was inspired by her confidence of knowing she was the first. I was scared because i didn't know the impact i made in her life, and i was chaffed by the choice of words. We do talk and share a lot of stuff, and yesterday, i wasnt my noisy usual self, there was a sadness in me. She felt it and said, Yvonne, i dont know what to say to you right now.
Maybe had she said something to make me laugh or something it would have helped, but i understood were she was coming from. She had not seen me in such a pensive mood before.
Even now as i pencil this down, i feel the welling up of tears right in my throat! I shouldn't cry with all the beautiful people around me, but i do feel sad - on my birthday. Like something left me. Like there was something that broke forth from me. I have been saying God, why am i sad? what is the meaning of all this? Why am i too serious?
I havent gotten an answer yet, but i sure will find out.
The person that am I...What kind of person am I? I have asked that question over and over again.
I have been seeking God's grace for my life, seeking his face, seeking his presence. Maybe i have done things wrongly, maybe i have not sought earnestly, maybe i have lacked the diligence, but Lord, right now i feel i am so far away from you. I seek your wisdom Lord, and i seek to live in your knowledge because, if anything, I dont want to be ignorant of your existence and importance in my life and that of everyone else.
Lord, I AM A SINNER, I AM WEAK, I SEEK YOUR FORGIVENESS, I SEEK THAT YOUR STRENGTH BE MADE PERFECT IN MY WEAKNESS.
I was just reflecting on the previous year. the ladders i managed to climb with his grace, and i was trying to project into the future, for those things to come, but lately I have been feeling like all is vanity!!
i have gone a notch higher..right? I pray so.
If anything, as i walk in this new platform, in terms of age, I pray that I walk in Godly wisdom and knowledge. More years come with more responsibilities. I dont want to come of age and be awed at what i am expected to do.
God has a lot in store for us. Sometimes we walk away from his truth because it sounds unreasonable. Sometimes we walk away from his truth because it is painful. Sometimes we walk away from his grace because we fear to be exposed. Sometimes, we abandon our seach for his truth because the journey is treacherous. We are sinners, unless and until we acknowledge our weakness, we can never progress in life. I am confident that God has an amazing task for each and every one of us. I am convinced that God placed me here for his service, and i will try to serve him diligently.
I want to thank all my friends for the birthday wishes I have received.
It would have been lovely for me to go crazy, buy some meat and call a couple of friends and braai the night out, but as today stands, I would love to be alone, this day.
I am sad. And only God knows how much i yearn for his presence right now, cos i know, his hug has taken away all of the burden i feel shouldered on me right this day.
People, love yourselves. Nomatter where you have been, God has a purpose of having u here today. If not, he would have relieved you of your earthly mandate. Love those people around you, unconditionally. Do not waste your moments begrudging someone, because life is too short to live with bitterness. Love them, as if you have never been hurt. care for them, even when no one cares for you. look out of others' needs, even when your own needs are not being met.
Do good to everyone around you, even when no one is doing good to you. Cherish that one or two people who continue to hold your hand when the tough gets going, and thank God for the lessons you learn from those who wantcloseness to you when all is well. Be grateful for what you have and stop complaining about what you do not have.
Young people, have a heart to learn, and work. Being lazy does nothing but age you fast. If you want great things in life, think great, act great. Praise God, and live for him. Do not try to please anyone, but please God. Do not live for anything but the glory of God.
Knowing God is receiving wisdom and knowledge. Live in his wisdom and knowledge and be able to discern the moments. Know what is right and strive to live for it. Dont worry about what others are not doing for you, worry about what you are not doing for others.
Giving is for you not the person you help. It builds character in you. It builds tolerance in you. it builds compassion and above all it builds love. Do not be angry at people who add no value to you, but pray for them, that they may see the light.
As i climb a notch higher, i am sure what i did yesterday that i shouldn't have, i pray to let go.
All my filth, i lay it before the cross of Calvary, because with his death, my sins have died to me. with his resurrection, i am born anew.
Praise be to God a new person has been created in me. better informed, better equipped. aware of the ups and downs.
God is there to teach us to be expectant only at him. to ask and expect to receive only from him.
I remember at one point getting a message from tv, that God will bring you to a simple situation, a situation where those you know could have assisted, but he closes all these doors so that after the storm, you are able to decipher that it was God who actually did it for me.
So yeah, i am in transformation. i feel better, i feel lighter. I am grateful, and i am hopeful.
Thank you Jehovha. I am 24 today because of your grace.
God bless and help the soul that reads this. May God expand your territory, and may he expose his goodness to you, in Jesus name.
Amen.....
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