He lifts me up..

We all get hurt in life in our relationships and interactions with other people.

I have been hurt, and I did some stupid things because I thought I was okay, yet I was not. I have kissed different men of different ages in a very short space of time. I didn’t want to admit it, but now I do, because I am not so proud of myself. The experience has left me with a terrible feeling.

I cried, asking him to see what he had made of me. I no longer knew myself. I had been shattered right to the core. And now I sit down and ask God – where were you? Why didn’t you protect me from this? I feel vulnerable, I feel exposed and I feel as though I have not been able to handle anyone who has given me that much attention.

It just feels wrong. Why? Is it because I placed my trust, my confidence my all in human beings? Is it because I deviated from the way of life because I thought God was not being fair? Is it because I said I am not going to hurt anymore and whoever makes me feel comfortable is welcome in my arms? Why have I failed to resist this temptation? Do I even love these persons?

Confusion is a very bad feeling, and a very wrong feeling to make decisions from. I have laid my bed, I have to lie in it. I can not run away from the woman I became in the past three or so weeks. I am not proud of myself, but now I know better. I used to be principled enough to say no and mean it, say yes and mean it, but nowadays, it seems as though I have changed. Like my principles have relaxed.

24 years of my life protecting myself, then lose heart at the end? Lord Jesus, please forgive me because I have made decisions based on my confusion not your promise. I have made turns into paths you have not directed me to. I have run away from your goodness and mercy – though it has followed me. Father, please change me today. Give me the same heart I had before. A heart that endured the pain, the hurt, the confusion, without compromising on my faith in you, nor on the principles you have helped me set. I need a change, and I need it now. Thank you lord for making me see today – a new day, with renewed hope, renewed everything. Help me make better decisions – decisions that reflect on your presence in my life.

I do not want illnesses on me in Jesus name, I do not want a broken down marriage, I do not want an aborted future because of ill informed decisions . Renew me lord, and make me a better person, today and forever. Give me a partner worthy of me in your eyes, and let me know it Lord, when you have sent them so that I do not get confused. Allow me and help me stand on your promise of my wedding and my home lord so that I do not lose track of where I have to go, in Jesus name, Amen.

Our God is able to raise us up into better persons, even after a terrible and bad decision making. He is a faithful father to whom when you turn to he is able to turn your situations. Trust in him. Offer your lives to him fully, and he is able to take you through all the pains and hurts of life.

I bet Jesus felt the same, but he never wavered from his path. So yes, I do buy his idea, that one ought to be strong in Christ, in order for them to be able to stand and continue moving when circumstances turn sour. You are a precious creation of his, and he will never let you down. His love and mercy endures forever.

Be blessed, be transformed but above all, trust in the Lord..