When a relationship goes the wrong way, you experience some sort of wounding inside. It may be mild, moderate, or severe, but there is hurt. You may feel used, let down, controlled, or put down, depending on what has happened. But it is a thoroughly negative experience.
In and of itself, the existence of the wound is not a bad thing. In fact, it is a sign that you are alive and that the person meant something to you. If the person you love most looked at you and said, "I don't want you anymore," and you thought, Oh well, that's a choice you have a right to make, with no emotional response, that is a problem.
Either you never really connected with that person in the first place or something is broken inside you. Problems with love and relationships should feel bad - and that is good.
But wounds should not stay wounds. They need to heal. A relational wound needs to be resolved so that you get back to normal life - that is, being in healthy connections, being freed from the past, and exercising your gifts and passions. And don't depend on the old proverb that says, "Time heals all wounds," because it's not true. Time, by itself, heals very little. Broken bones need more than time, as do homes in disrepair and lives that have had a troubled relationship. What you really need in order to heal is support. If it is relationship that wounded you, it is relationship that is required to heal you...
[It's] a hard step to take, but once you begin the process of opening up, you may find that it's not as hard as it once seemed. You are designed to connect. It actually feels good to allow others access to the painful places within you. Admit the hurt and receive the support, and you are on the way.
-Beyond Boundaries: Learning to Trust Again in Relationships, by John Townsend
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